Arkeolog dengan Pemuda Salafi

Berkelana di facebook, tiba-tiba ada yang share posting berikut dari jagad log maya:

Ada seorang ikhwan salafymendatangi seorang arkeolog, dengan membawa sebuah benda yang mirip fosil mengeras.

Dia lalu bertanya, “bagaimana menurutmu ?? berapa umur benda ini ???”
Maka sang arkeolog, menjawab,“umurnya sekian ribuan tahun dari zaman begini dan begitu ??”
Sang ikhwan bertanya, “apakah bisa dimakan ???”
Sang Arkeolog menjawab dengan heran , “Bagaimana bisa dimakan ???”
Maka sang ikhwan langsung menggigit dan memakan benda itu…
Sang arkeolog menjadi takjub…
Sang ikhwan kemudian berkata, “ini makanan yang dikeraskan dari susu, baru saja dibuat ibuku 2 hari yang lalu”

Blog yang mempostingnya menyebutkan bahwa cerita itu didapat dari Syaikh Sholih As-Suhaimi yang mendengarnya langsung dari si ikhwan iseng.

Saya yang kelewat sering buang-buang waktu di jagad maya langsung curiga. Bukankah ada copypasta dengan bahasa ndak sopan yang memiliki struktur sama persis? Berikut saya bawa salah satu contohnya:

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Tentu saja anekdot fiksi di atas lebih panjang dan tak lebih merupakan strawman.  Namun perhatikan struktur ceritanya: seorang professor/cendekiawan, seorang mahasiswa yang bertanya, sebuah batu/fosil, jawaban cedekiawan berdasar asumsi umum, dan terakhir yang berbeda adalah jawaban konyol dari si mahasiswa iseng.

Silahkan jika situ punya waktu lebih bisa membaca lagi versi lain copypasta ini, tengok imgur. Silahkan rekan-rekan menilai sendiri keaslian cerita tersebut.

Rasanya rekan-rekan salafi ada keberatan dengan cerita fiksi, tapi entah mengapa ada yang memperlakukan cerita fiksi sebagai cerita nyata dan mengaku salafi.

Allahu’alam.

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